Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Paranormal Activity 3: Why Do People Keep Paying For This Shit?

So its October, so other than being nudie magazine day its also Halloween time. Where guys cross dress "for fun" and women dress up extra slutty without fear of being labeled one later. Sadly though its also the time for shitty horror movies. Not your beloved B-List horror movie that's pure shits and giggles, but your major studio backed pile of crap.

Here are some things to fix horror movies and get them back on the right track:

  • No more surprise your still fucked anyway endings, it gets done wrong and you see it coming.
  • Kill the annoying children, they will just become annoying teenagers.
  • No more night vision camera found footage crap, I paid to see a movie not a grainy epileptic seizure.
  • How about the guy that says fuck it and leaves when he realizes how fucking bad things could get is not the first one to die, or even die at all. Reward that self preservation instinct.
  • Kill the "Good Samaritan" that leads the group into the house full of crazed Texas cannibals. Lesson: Leave well enough alone.
  • Leave behind the puppy....alright damn it I can't do it save the puppy.
  • Leave the cat, fuck cats.
  • Do a A Team/B Team horror movie. One group of friends that know the rules about horror movies and survive the whole way through. B Team is made up of all your favorite stereotypes and they all get killed off over and over again. (Play Left 4 Dead)
  • Do a movie where the Hero/Anti-Hero isn't out to save anyone but himself and just uses fellow survivors as creative stepping stones to survive. Then when you think that Karma is going to pay him back, he finds a suitcase full of money and a six pack then cue the credits.

No comments:

Post a Comment