Sunday, November 7, 2010

Schwarzenegger V. Logic

For anyone who has ever picked up joystick, dual shock, mouse or Wii nun chuck has probably played a video game with some degree of violence. From a pair of overweight Italian plumbers stomping turtles, a Gorilla throwing barrels and kidnapping women to two pissed off Spartans one with a bone to pick with the Greek gods and the other tea bagging an entire alien collective.

It was never this cool... or disturbing.

About that time the first video game was made came the first complaint about they'z rott'n our minedz.(Kidding) A certain segment of the population does take issue with video games in general and here they are in no special order: Parents, Teachers, Priests, Politicians, (Ex)Girlfriends, (Ex)Boyfriends, Muslims, The Tea Party, Mormons and Ned Flanders.

Why do they take issue? Take your pick: bad grades, no more quality time, an affront to God, anti-social, health concerns, and of course violent. That's what on the menu in a recent court case involving a certain Governator in California. It seems that after he solved California's budget crisis he decided to solve all the other problems other governors couldn't get to like the education system, the environment, and of course video games. I guess after the economy video games was the next action item.

Why? Well for this next part I am going to assume you have heard all the "reports" linking video games to violent behavior, mass murder and double parking.(Thanks GTA!) This should explain why all the 9 and 10 year old's out there are rampaging through the streets is soaking the earth in a sea of blood...

The whole idea behind this is that while tracking stimulus in the brain certain parts of the ol' thinker light up when certain images are presented. This is supposed to highlight the stimulation of aggression in the brain, and that after playing violent games you are more desensitized and prone to violence. My problem with all this is where is the comparison to stimulation from other sources. No one hooks up the electrode to measure sports fans, athletes/mathletes in competition, race care drivers or women watching Sex And The City. The point is there are lots of things out their that stimulate aggression, but people don't go out there and go terminator on the world. Next you are going to tell me that the Expendables will cause people to want to violently overthrow a 3rd world country and that's just silly...
Right you sack of gay dicks?

So why so serious about video games? Well if you were fucking up the state you were in charge of and lived in a 24 hour news cycle that is desperate and you don't want your fiscal incompetence to be the headline, it's time to get yourself a sacrificial lamb. So Arnie not only thinks video games are bad but they need to be banned, for the good of the children. So he did what any one man army would do, take matters into his own hands and fight a lengthy, expensive court battle over video games. Arnie is so angry about what video games can do he has taken his fight all the way to the Supreme Court. I do have to hand it to the Governator at least he stands by his principles....
Can you lower yourself into a vat of molten steel for real this time?

So here is why Arnold Schwarzenegger is an idiot:

  1. You used your own personal image to sell violent video games: Terminator series, Last Action Hero, True Lies, Predator.
  2. Most video game developers are out in a place called Silicon Valley in... California. The chill you will send through that economic sector will drive off profitable, hi-tech jobs. That's spendable money taken out of the economy and tax revenue lost. Not that California's broke ass would notice right?
  3. Actually believing kids will be fucked up because of the violence in the media. Hey how did Melissa Milano turn out after the movie Commando? Other than hot I mean.
  4. Endangering free speech. It's bad enough the Westboro Baptists are getting us to consider shutting down the first amendment, this does conversation does not need to be happening right now.
  5. Only non-Americans try and shut down free speech. Radical Islam tries to intimidate us, you're draft dodging Austrian ass is joining those ranks by pulling a stunt like this?
  6. Long before violent video games there were movies. Why don't you tackle that shit first? Other than the direct blow to your pocket book.
  7. Forgetting that violence can help tell a story or highlight a greater evil. Think Call Of Duty series on World War II and its portrayal of the horrors of war. In movies think of Rambo when Stallone artfully highlighted the atrocities of military in Burma.
  8. Engaging in a political witch hunt that will start a slippery slope to outright censorship of anything the GOP, prudes, and other silly bitches don't like
Governator maybe you should take some advice you gave to a guy named Bennett and let of steam?

(Again sorry for any editing, I don't give a shit. All pictures are for fair use and satire.)

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